Yesterday was 18 months. One and a half years since I last saw her. It just doesn’t seem possible for the world to just keep turning without her. I watch other children continue to grow and age. Em’s little friends that were her age and younger are now her age or older. But Em will always be 3 years old. No birthdays. No milestones. No new memories.
As the days continue on I can’t say it gets easier. The loss doesn’t sting less. The anger never goes away. When they talk about grief coming in waves it is so true. One day I’m doing great but all it takes is a smell, a piece of clothing that Em wore, a memory or a moment where her absence is painfully obvious and it all comes crashing down on me. Some days it feels like I can barely make it up for air. I have no choice but to get used to living with the pain. I genuinely smile, I love my other child to pieces, I continue to live my life the best I can. But I will always wonder why. Why my child. Why my family. Why me.
Some days all I can think of is the fact that I had her and I lost her. One day I will see her again but I am not old. I could live for many more years. When I think of living the rest of my life without her it causes a panic inside me and more pain then I can bare so I just go back to taking it one day at a time. One day at a time. #TeamEmeryForever